Day 14: Need a pick me up?

There is one (of many) piece of advice my mom used to tell me as a teenager that will stick with me always. She used to tell me on the days I felt sick or not up to par, that I should choose that day to dress up a little. I took her advice and I was amazed to find that by merely dressing better, I felt better. Have you ever done this?

Well recently I have realized that it goes much further than just feeling better health-wise. Let me explain. For the past 5 months or so, I have been at home. In those 5 months, I started to kind of, shall we say, "let myself go." Dressing up became rare. I was doing good if I got out of my pajamas for the day. Sad, I know. I figured I didn't need to dirty my "good" clothes just to stay around the house. Well, not dressing up slowly bled into not even doing my hair. Hahaha, I laugh now, but at the same time I am ashamed. A newlywed that wears nothing but frumpy pjs and has crazy bed head. Geeez, what am I doing to my husband?

Aside from looking less than desirable (I am sure), I realized I also appeared bigger and less happy with my body. On Sundays, when we went to church, not only did I enjoy getting all dressed up but I also felt prettier and better about my body. But again, I just didn't see the need to dress up during the week if I was just going to be at home.

On my journey to a healthier me, I know I am going to start feeling better about my body and how clothes look on me. But, I have realized in the past 3 weeks that I am thoroughly enjoying dressing up in my business casual for work. I enjoy doing my hair & makeup, picking out my clothes, and just physically appearing presentable.

I realized that I needed a pick me up. I think we all do (men and women alike). If we are feeling down and out, or sick, or even just feeling fat....do a little something extra. Wear that skirt. Or that button up shirt (for men lol). High heels? Sure! Makeup? Why not! By taking some time and effort, we can move out of those moments of semi-depression and into a new mindset. Well, at least I know it works for me. Maybe it can for you too!

Let me know if you ever feel like that, and if you find that dressing up does help your mindset. Until tomorrow, everyone! Share me with your friends!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 12/13: My first Weigh In

So yesterday as a family, we went to a late lunch (early dinner?) at Panera. I knew my first weigh in was in the morning so I didn't want to over do it. I ordered a Greek salad and a bowl of the Vegetarian Black Bean soup. No meat, which normally wouldn't hold me, but the protein in the soup was plenty. Anyways, my food was so yummy and I am now interested in making my own healthy black bean soup at home. (If you have a recipe please share!)

After our meal, we did our groceries. We decided to shop at 2 stores. Target for the majority of things (Cheaper) and then Giant for our meats and produce (better selection). I am proud to say that we only bought healthy items (2nd week in a row) and with coupons and sales, we saved $30. Not bad since we noticed our grocery bill is slightly higher now that we are eating right. But its worth it!

Anyways, we watched 2 movies last night and I was on my way to dream land before I realized I didn't blog....So this is a joint day 12 and day 13 blog.

And on to the good stuff. Day 13: Weigh In Day.

As soon as I woke up this morning I jumped out of bed! (never happens!) But I was eager to see my results. This week has been relatively easy, which I am glad. Don't get me wrong, its had its moments and I've had mine but all in all, I survived and feel great. I stepped on the scale and closed my eyes. Once I was sure the digital display was showing my new weight I looked down.

I couldn't believe my eyes! I was down 8.2lbs! I had to use the calculator on my phone just to be sure I was reading it right! I am so excited! Now, I have done diets before, remember--so I know that week 1 generally gives you a big loss (and sometimes weeks 2-3 do too). But I am excited nonetheless. Almost 2 years ago when I first attempted Jenny Craig, I lost 7lbs in my first week. And that was after shelling out a bunch of money. With WW I haven't had to pay any expensive prices for my food or for the program. Its all been reasonable ($17/mon plus whatever I buy at the grocery store).

I have a new found focus and motivation! I am excited for this upcoming week. I am determined to do just as great (not saying I expect to lose another 8lbs in a week because I don't, but I expect to eat right and exercise and resist temptations). I am ready to build upon those 8lbs and hope to lose another 2-3. That is this weeks goal. And to find new healthy recipes that are low in points!

Thanks for sharing in my 1st weigh in. If you are enjoying this blog, share me with your friends, or leave me some love! Until tomorrow!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 11: Que te mueve? What moves you?

Today was a great day. I got up early despite having to be at work at 12:45pm. I ate my Special K and cleaned up a bit. I worked out and I was able to do it for longer than the last workout. Plus I did 50 crunches afterwards. It wasn't easy but after I was done, I felt great.

Now, leave it to me to find a philosophical meaning to my workout. Today I was working out and struggling. I know it is going to be hard at first for various reasons (my weights, bad knees, new to working out, etc). But I am determined to push through. Right as I am feeling like I am on my last breath and that I can't go any further I hear inspiration. The instructor from my Zumba workout (from On Demand) said, "Que te mueve?" and then explained to viewers the meaning, "What moves you?" Now I would guess she meant it more literally, as in music/dance or something. But for me, at that moment, it was exactly what I needed to hear. What moves you?

What moves me? What is going to help me push through the hard workouts? What is going to help me keep going even when I feel like giving up? Determination. Drive. Focus. My daughter. My husband. Myself. I want to be able to do more than I can right now. I want to be able to do a 20 or 25 minute intense workout without feeling like my heart will stop. I want to be able to run and play with my daughter and not feel winded. I don't want to breathe like I was a smoker in a past life after walking up a flight of stairs. I desire to be healthy. I desire to be confident. I don't want to always feel like I need to suck in my gut and throw back my shoulders to appear thinner. I want to be thinner.

What moves me? The dream that one day my husband and I (and possibly the little one) can go to a tropical destination such as Puerto Rico and that I will confidently feel sexy in a two piece on the beach. Strolling down the sandy beaches, looking into the deep blue ocean, hand in hand and not worrying about my chub rub. (Please tell me if you need an explanation about chub rub).

What moves me? The feeling you get when you walk into your favorite store and there is a clearance sale going on...and you know they will have your size (let me tell you, us plussies buy up clearance so fast that my size is always gone LOL). Being able to shop in the Woman's and not the Misses or Plus section. (I don't even care to shop in juniors anymore!) I want to enjoy clothes shopping again and not just shoe and purse shopping.

Tonight, I am asking you--Que te mueve? What moves you?

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 10: Can I get a snow day?

We went to bed last night with a lot of snowing coming down. It came down pretty quickly and was a wetter snow than normal. This made for rough road conditions (I know because I had to come home from work in it!) and I saw on the news that people were stranded for hours in the snow. How horrid! I am very thankful that my job is only a few miles away. Of course that being said, I had no excuse this morning when I woke up and realized that I still had to go to work. This was NOT good ole SC and that, yes, people still reported to work on days that it snowed. To top it off, Bella's daycare was closed and her and the Husby had to stay home. JEALOUS!

I am going to look on the bright side of things though. I know that staying home with my 2 loves would have been wonderful. But I am basically a "newborn" to WW and I do not know if I would have been disciplined enough to stay home and not pig out. You know the feeling you get when you are stuck at home and its either cold or rainy out? How you just want to curl up, watch a movie, and pig out....I definitely didn't need to test myself. So off to work I went!

Now, the store was kinda slow today and I worked a mid shift. I don't think mid shifts are going to be my favorite...I started at 11 and worked till 7:30. I had a late breakfast/lunch/dinner. I know I will get used to it eventually but it throws me off some. I look at the clock and think "lunch" but I actually had to wait another 2 hours. I did manage to squeeze in 2 snacks today. I had too. My body wasn't accustomed to the skewed meal times.

I did learn that the people I work with love to eat. And sadly, it doesn't seem like too many of them care about eating healthy. Every time I walk into that break room I smell all the tempting take out. Today there was 2 different deliveries of pizza, and a bunch of take out from Denny's. And honestly the Denny's is what made my mouth water...I love breakfast foods. (eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, biscuits). I could eat it for every meal and be happy. Of course when all the salt, cheese, and butter get added in, I would be happy and FATTER. But I digress. The food smelled and looked wonderful but I am still focused on my ultimate goal.

Today for dinner, I picked up Applebee's Carside ToGo. I have a friend "TH" that is doing WW as well and mentioned the WW Steak and Potato Salad (worth only 9 points). I ordered that and let me tell you something. That thing was AMAZING. It is steak strips, potatoes, boiled egg, onions, peppers, a ton of spinach, and a horseradishy spicy dressing. I ate the entire thing and loved every bite. I highly recommend it. It felt great eating restaurant food and knowing that I could eat it, track the points, and enjoy it! Thanks "TH" for the tip. I am pretty excited to find other top quality restaurant foods.

Oh and I couldn't help but weigh myself today. I am EXTREMELY pleased with the results so far. I am not going to spoil the results because that will be the topic for Sunday's blog. But I just want to say that I am really seeing what WW is all about. It is easy to follow, non restrictive, and it works!

Tomorrow I work the close shift (12:45-9:15). I plan on eating an early breakfast and a big lunch before I go in. That way I can eat a SmartOnes for dinner (with maybe a soup and an apple) and come home to maybe eat a small snack if necessary. Although most likely I will just go straight to sleep. I also plan on squeezing in a work out in the morning. Keep me in your thoughts and share me with your friends...there is a handy little "share" button that makes it easy. LOL.

Until tomorrow!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy of Bust*

Day 9: Breakfast is important!

So this morning I was running short on time. I managed to gulp down a small bowl of Special K and grab my coffee to go. It was an ugly morning with ice cold rain coming down. I dropped the little one off at her daycare and made my way to work. Since it was yucky outside the first few hours of work were extremely slow. And since I am not officially working (just shadowing) things got a bit boring.

Instead of standing around doing nothing, I worked on some of the many online training assignments in the office. So I sat at a computer for a few hours this morning....Which brought me back to my old job. Which in turn made me want to snack. At my old job I constantly snacked to stay away and to make time go faster. I had a very hectic life and I don't remember a day I didn't feel exhausted at work. Now, life is not so hectic (Praise God!) but as they say, old habits die hard. I had the overwhelming urge to pop 3 quarters into the vending machine and buy some kind of cheesy covered substance....or sugar drenched flour product.... Instead I chomped a few pieces of gum, and it helped for a while. Then I realized that it wasn't just the fact that I was bored sitting at a desk that was making me crave snacks. It was the fact that I ate such a small breakfast. I normally add 2 slices of low calorie toast and some turkey or ham to give me an added calorie boost in the morning.

When I realized my hunger was real, and not a mind trick, I grabbed one of my chewy granola bars (3 points!) to tide me over until my lunch break. After that I was fine. Lunch was delish! I had the SmartOnes Artisan flatbread with steak. It is so freaking yummy! It doesn't even seem like I am dieting! I added a half of a can (1 serving=4 points) of broccoli potato soup plus a banana to complete my meal. The security guard from work walked in the break room and even commented how good my meal smelled! And he was right! The rest of the day went by pretty good, still slow but I no longer had snack cravings.

After I braved my first drive in Maryland snow, I made Chicken Tacos. We had purchased ground chicken (pretty lean I might add) and the Ortega Whole Grain Tacos. I have to admit that since I had extra points left from not eating all my breakfast, I over endulged. But luckily I stayed within my points allotment. Dinner was seriously delicious and it wasn't bad for me! I seriously could get used to this!

The moral of my story is that, even though I ate breakfast, I really need to make sure that I continually eat a solid meal in the morning. It fuels me for the rest of my day and it helps control my appetite. So, I will eat!

Tomorrow I work a mid-shift, which I haven't done in a long time. I hope that it doesn't throw me off track! Keep me in your thoughts!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 8: Small changes in order to make life changes

So today was my day off from work and it wasn't hard to stick to my diet. I actually ate less than normal. And any snacking was measured and points were tracked. I wish I could say on my day off I jumped out of bed and on to my Gazelle and knocked out 4 miles in 45 minutes...but I can't. I am not trying to lie about it either. I wish it was as easy as making up your mind to be healthy person. But its not. I have a life. And so do you. So, in my life, its not the easiest thing to all of a sudden eat right, exercise religiously, and continue to be a wife, mother, and work full time. But making small changes are definitely helping. And remembering why I want to do this is helping me overcome hurdles.

Two things I want to talk about today. The first hurdle I had to overcome today was sloth, aka laziness. I got up early to get Isabella ready for daycare (thank you to the Husby for taking her and for taking my car to the shop) and then I ate a small breakfast. About an hour later the Husby called and told me to pick him up so we could leave my car. So after I was finally back home I couldn't help but fall asleep. I guess the whole working on my feet for 8 hours got the better of me because when I awoke it was 1pm! Yikes! I quickly got up and made my lunch. Turns out the Target brand Homestyle Vegetable Soup is only 1 point per serving! So the whole can was only 2!! In order to spend some more points, I ate some reduced fat Ritz lightly shmeared with whipped cream cheese.

After I ate and checked FB, I found myself thinking about what type of exercise I wanted to do...that's right...thinking....and thinking....and before I knew it I had spent more time thinking and not enough time doing! Well I guess what I mean was that I could have exercised in the same time that I sat around thinking about it. Ugh! So I finally got off my tush and got dressed in workout gear. I flipped through the On Demand Exercise channel and found a few 10 minute workouts. (Hey, I am a big girl, I need to ease my way into this). So I did a 10 minutes Merengue workout and a 10 minute Zumba workout. Whew that was tough!!! Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that I overcame my laziness today and worked out. Its been a long time since I have done that and it was fun.

My 2nd hurdle that I overcame today.... I was in my bathroom putting on my contacts when I remembered that I needed to take my vitamins. I opened my medicine cabinet and out it fell. Temptation in a small Rx bottle. The contents were calling out my name..."take me. no one will no" and "you will see results faster" Some of you might be wondering what I am speaking of...What could a small Rx bottle hold that could tempt me so much? Well...this:


The Holy Diet Pill, Adipex. I am not proud to admit that I have used these several times as a way to kick start my weight loss or in an effort to lose weight quickly. Now, some of you may use these and love these...and I cannot blame you. The do wonders. They cut your appetite and make you thirsty. So you eat less, and drink more water etc. My problem? I use them as a crutch. I start using them, see results, and then start to eat however I want because I think the magic pills will do the trick.

Well, today that bottle fell from the medicine cabinet and I picked it up. I looked at it for a good minute before putting it back on its shelf. I wish I could say that I opened the bottle and flushed the contents down the toilet so that I would never be faced with the temptation again. But I didn't. I just put it back. And some of you may not see the significance in that since I didn't get rid of them. But for me, the fact that I said "no" to the taunting little pills is a big step for me. I hope to one day blog about some dramatic removal of the pills from my life. But I am not there yet....One day :)

So my 2 new successes for the day were exercise and will power. I am proud and I hope that with each baby step I take in this journey will just strengthen my new walk in life. Thank you to all my readers, again, for all the encouragement and tips. I love it all. It helps to know I am not alone!

One last thing before I sign off for the night. The Husby and I partnered in making dinner...I made Baked Lemon Pepper Flounder and he made a freshly steamed (on the stove top not microwave) mixed vegetables. It was delicious:



Until tomorrow! Share me with friends! Leave me some love!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day Seven: Wow, a week of Blogging!

I can't believe it has been a full week of blogging. Time is going by faster than I thought it would. Now while I have been blogging for a week, I have only been doing WW for 2 days. Yesterday went very well and I was so sure that today would be awful. I mean, you know how day 1 you are so pumped to do right and then comes day 2 and your steam has somewhat slowed down? That is what I pictured for today. Boy was I wrong!!!

Today I started work an hour earlier than yesterday, which means I was up and getting ready an hour earlier as well. So, I managed to squeeze in my cereal and turkey&toast (and coffee) between getting ready for work. (Big props to the Husby for helping me with the little one). I got to work and after about 2 hours I started to think about food. And not because I was hungry, but rather because the store was so empty and we were standing around for a bit. Luckily, (for both me and the store) business picked up. Before I knew it it was almost 2pm and I hadn't taken lunch yet! I clocked out and warmed up my SmartOnes and Soup.

Of course, as I sit in the rather small & cubicle like breakroom, an entourage of Chili's food comes filing in. It smelled so delicious and I watched as my coworkers pulled out club sandwiches and french fries, various creamy soups, and other fatty aromatic packed foods. I could feel my willpower being tested! But, I stayed strong and I dutifully ate my meal. I was full and satisfied (and left the breakroom as soon as I could!) I went back on the sales floor and continued the rest of my shift. My only real complaint of the work day? I have to get better shoes (still waiting on Crocs to resend a pair that was obviously stolen!). My feet are killing me...of course wearing wedges for 8 hrs (2 days in a row) will do that to you.

Tonight I baked some garlic herb chicken and the husby made some mashed cauliflower. It was so good and filling. I guzzled a little more water (ooh by the way, I need to drink some more), and kicked up my feet. Did I mention how much they hurt?! I calculated my points today and I still have about 10 left! And thats after having a half of a grape fruit and a bag of 100 cal popcorn. I am not miscalculating either, but it is due to the fact that I haven't been able to do midday snacks. I might make a quick smoothie and split it with the husby before bed.

I am off of work tomorrow and I am a little nervous about it. I know it is a great opportunity to work out, since my feet will be well rested by then. But I am so afraid that I will start to snack without realizing it. You know what I mean? I am going to focus really hard to only eat healthy options tomorrow so that even if I find myself snacking, it is not on anything bad for me. Wish me luck!

Oh and opinions please--- do you weigh yourself weekly? Daily? Every other day? I am one of those anxious weighers....

Until tomorrow! Share me with your friends! Tomorrow I will try to be a bit more interesting!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day Six: A Double Dose of Firsts

Today was the first official day of my new job AND simultaneously the first day of my Weight Watchers plan. This morning I started portioning out the food I had preplanned out last night. As I was eating my breakfast, I realized that this was a lot of food! I was so full before I could even eat my banana. So I packed the banana in my lunch bag along with my SmartOne and 70 calorie soup. I threw in a couple of Chewy Granola bars for snacks and off I went.

My morning went well, but being on my feet for so long was a big change. At about 1pm, right when my stomach started to growl, I took my lunch. It felt good to get off my feet! I purchased a bottle of water (because I walked out of the apartment without one...oops) and warmed up my lunch. A couple of people in the break room remarked at how healthy I was eating and it made me feel good. My lunch was tasty and filling! I drank as much water as I could, but honestly I need to make it a point to drink more. Its not going to be so easy during the work day. I may have to drink about 2 glasses before work, during lunch, when I get home, and again before bed...Its the only way I can see getting in that much water.

After lunch, I found myself glancing at the clock A LOT. But not because I was hungry or craving food, but because it was Sunday afternoon and nobody was coming into the store. (My coworkers said it was because of the football games that were on). Finally at 6:15 I got to come home! I was starting to get hungry (Its hard to squeeze in snacks at work too). When I got home my husband had cooked Lasagna and steamed some broccoli. He portioned out my food for me (which as silly as it sounds I am very grateful he did because I know I would have over served). So I ate my food and it was all very delicious. I was sad there wasn't more broccoli! And you know what? I didn't even put any butter or cheese on it! Just the little bit of salt and pepper that the Husby cooked it with. MMMMMmmmmm.

I have been relaxing the remainder of this evening, but after I inputted my points on the WW website I realized I still had 9 points left! So I at a 100 cal popcorn and a chewy bar. Now I am fully satisfied for the day, and with 3 points to spare! I would have used up my points for the day but I skipped my coffee and creamer this morning. I WILL be drinking that in the morning!

The only thing about today is that I did not get any exercise in. I have to admit, its a lot easier to eat correctly than to add some exercise in. Tomorrow, I am going to drag the gazelle out of the closet and work out once I am off work. All in all I am going to call today a success. It was a good day at work and with the diet. I am full, and happy! Now I am going to drink some more H20!!!

PS...I still count standing for 8 hours as some sort of physical activity, seeing as thought that hasn't happened in years!

Hope this seemingly boring post entertained you a little. Share me with your friends! Leave me some love.

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day Five: The Attack of the Grocery Store

Okay, so I just got back from the store and I have a killer headache!!! Originally I planned on going to the store myself and I had been procrastinating all day. I knew that once I bought all the healthy foods that I had no choice. My mind was playing tricks on me! I knew that I wanted to officially start my WW plan but since I hadn't been home in 2 weeks and no groceries had been bought, I was able to put it off for a little longer. Then my loving Husby told me that he and Bella could come with me. That made it better, because I didn't want to go alone. So I finish up my list, hoping I remembered the majority of what I need and hoping that I don't have to spend too much. (We ran out of printer ink--which was on my list--so I had only 2 coupons).

So off we go! We stopped and grabbed a bite to eat since there was no food at home and since its better to go food shopping on a full stomach and not an empty one. After we ate, we headed to Target. We love doing our groceries there--the only problem is they do not have the best produce section. About 5 minutes after we walked in the store, Bella announces loudly that she needs to go pee-pee. My husby gets her out the cart and as he does I can see that she ALREADY WENT PEE-PEE!!! So many emotions went through my mind. First off, I have been out of the swing of things for 2 weeks. What does that mean? It means that Mommy (Me) walked out of the house without a change of clothes for Bella. Now, she is 3 and she is potty trained but I normally bring a set just in case. So of course I am mad at myself for not bringing any extra clothes. I am frustrated because I am not sure what to do. Its freezing outside and we just got to the store. I don't want our daughter to be stuck in wet clothes, but what do I do? Bella is crying because she knows that she shouldn't have done that. And I feel bad because she is crying in the store.

Now, a few weeks ago I would have said "Forget it" and went home. It would have been easy to put off grocery shopping (and my diet) for another few days. But did I do that? No! I gave the shopping list to the Husby and told him I would meet up with him in a few minutes. I grabbed my purse and my daughter and walked off. I headed towards "Toddler". I figured I could probably find a pair of $5 3T sweat pants and it would have to do. As Bella and I walk up to the Toddler section, my frustration grows even more! All I see are spring clothes and Easter dresses and BATHING SUITS. It is freaking 18 degrees outside and I need a pair of pants for my wet child! Finally after taking a deep breath, I see a magical sign that says "Clearance". I walk over and immediately some weight is lifted off my shoulders. I find a really good pair of 3T jeans for $6. Not my original choice but definitely worth the purchase. I grab them, and Bella and run towards customer service. We make our purchase and go to the Family bathroom. A few minutes later, my once crying and wet toddler and I emerge ready to take on the world. Okay okay, maybe just ready to take on Target.

So, we meet back up with the Husby. One hour later and lots more money than I had hoped to spend, our groceries are done. I got 5 SmartOnes for the days I work, plenty of Chicken and Fish to cook for our sensible meals, and some good breakfast choices. We picked up some 100-calorie popcorn and some frozen fruit too (for my healthy smoothie snacks!). We didn't buy anything unhealthy! I am about to plan my menu for tomorrow, so I can be accurate with my points. I am excited, and nervous! But mostly nervous, haha. Hey just being honest. But I am actually proud of myself for not taking the easy route and skipping the shopping trip.

And let me tell you, being overweight, walking up the steps to our apartment with groceries, a passed out 3 year old, AND freezing cold temperatures is NO joke. That just solidified in my mind how much more I need/have/want to do this. I have got to get in shape!!!

Tomorrow I will let you all know how my 1st day at work and my 1st day on WW goes. Keep me in your thoughts, because I will need it! If you enjoyed my trip to Target, or if you have ever been in that situation before let me know! And share me with your friends. Thank you to all my readers. All the words of encouragement have really helped me continue this journey.

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 4/5: Being Fat makes me feel:

I guess you could consider this the title of a really messed up English assignment...but here goes. Being fat is not only a physical feature but its also an emotional and mental mindset. Let me explain, if I stepped on a scale or looked in the mirror or at a picture I see fat. That's physical fat. But you know what? There are moments each day (besides when I am sleeping) when I don't feel fat. When my husband smiles at me (or kisses me, etc) I don't feel fat. When I find myself reading a good book, or watching a really exciting movie or show---I don't feel fat. Cooking an amazing meal, playing dolls with my daughter, etc..I don't feel fat. Then I walk by a mirror or catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection on my glass. And BAM all the fatness smacks me in the face. Or I look down and see my stomach or my thighs and get disappointed. I think, "wait, where did that come from? Wasn't I just skinny in my mind?"

I am not sure if I think like this because I haven't always been plus size or if all people who are overweight think like that. Sometimes I still think I am the size I was in high school or college. And it is the worst feeling ever when reality hits and I realize I am a far cry from being that girl. There are days (and a few miracle outfits) that I feel okay with my size but I never want the size I am now to be who I am for the rest of my life. Or God forbid, I let myself go even more. I have to think about my daughter and husband and our future children. I know that it will only be even harder to have a 2nd child if I don't do something soon.

Being fat also makes me feel like a failure. There are somethings I feel I failed at before I even began. As a new wife, I feel like I should also try and put my best self forward. And I do try. But because I my size, my best efforts always seem mediocre in my mind. (There is that darn emotional/mental fat again). I love being a mom and I know my daughter loves having me as her mom but I feel like I have failed in somethings too. I dread taking Bella outside to the park because I am so physically unfit. I get winded after 5 minutes. So instead of taking her to the park right outside, I would rather take her to the mall playground so she can run and play and I can sit down. Sad, I know. Right now I use the excuse that is too cold here in Maryland and I don't want her to get sick. But if I want to be honest with myself and with you all, I would probably say the same thing in the the summer. In fact, I have. And now I am starting a new job. I just finished the training (which is why I have been in a hotel for 2 weeks.) and my first day is tomorrow. I am nervous of course, but the main thing that runs through my mind is that I am fat. And will my coworkers only see me as a fat girl. Most of the people I know, have known me as both sizes. Or have at least seen both sizes in pictures. These people, along with customers will only know the fat me. Oh how I hate that.

So, folks, I am determined to change. Change my physical but also change my mindset. I need to be more positive about who I am. If I want people to like me I need to like myself. And if I like myself, I need to make sure I am healthy and happy...Otherwise who else will? I've been blessed to have relatively good health considering my size and family history (diabetes, high blood pressure, and bad cholesterol problems all run in my family). Time to stop gambling my health away. Only safe bet is to do it the right way.

Thanks for reading my rants. In a little while I am going to brave the grocery store and stock my shelves with healthy choices. Wish me luck! Check back later tonight for Day Five: The Grocery Store. Share me with your friends, comment, and keep reading!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day Three: Plan of Attack

Alright. Here goes....I know I want to lose weight and I know what my goals and expectations are. Well, how exactly do I plan on achieving them? I have researched quite a few plans online and I have received a lot of feedback from friends and family (Thank You All!). I decided that I do not want to start some super crazy boot camp-like ridiculously calorie restricted program. Why? Because I will quit before I start. A popular word(s) of advice has been "Weight Watchers Online". My mother and my sister in law have both joined and have already seen results. Just by asking friends on FB I have been told many great things. Several success stories. And you know what? The online program is super affordable! ($17/mon). So I signed up!

The program is custom designed for my size, basically I am not eating the same amount of food as someone 50lbs lighter than me, but rather in accordance to my weight. The online tools have already helped me set some weight goals. My 1st goal is to lose 10% of my start weight. And after each time I hit a weight goal I will *reward* myself (Yay for reinforcements!) and create a new weight goal, which will be 10% of that current weight. This will continue until I reach my goal weight. I calculated and did a mini forecast...if I do the 10% goals, then I have to reach 4 goals total to make it to my goal weight! That doesn't seem so bad! And of course there will be times I hit plateaus, and I will have to overcome them.

So....WW has some great tracking tools that I plan on using to my utmost advantage! I can log in daily and track my food and activity. I am able to plan my meals and recipes (according to point value!) all in one place. And I will weigh myself weekly. A cool thing about WW is that not only do I get a set amount of daily points, but I also get a weekly allowance that I can choose to use in a number of ways. I can use the extra points on a day that I might feel a little more hungry, or maybe accidentally go over my daily allotment. I can divide it up for small daily treats or save it up for a bigger weekly treat. That at the moment is to be determined...(if you have done WW, let me know if you have found 1 way to be more helpful and why).

Food...right on the website are some tricks to measure food with my hands (thumb is an ounce of cheese or meat, fist is a cup of fruit or pasta, palm is 3oz of meat/fish/poultry, etc), so now I can easily figure it out without just "guessing"....Which is great, because I am normally a generous guesser! Breakfast: I think I am going to try doing a cereal along with a fruit for most days. I am just starting a new job and I am not sure how crazy my days are going to be. I don't want to set a goal of making a hot meal every morning until I know its feasible. Lunch and Dinner will rotate for me, since I will work some days and some evenings. So I am going to choose a WW friendly meal (like a SmartOne) while I am at work and then a sensible meal for when I am at home. Basically some days will be SmartOne for Lunch, sensible meal for Dinner and the other days will be Sensible Lunch and a SmartOne for Dinner. Snacks: I need to incorporate some filling and healthy snacks (please give me tips!). My cousin told me that Peanut Butter has helped her combat hunger. She advised a spoonful of it, and waiting like 30 mins. And I should feel satisfied and not hungry anymore. I will try to add some veggies and fruits for snacks, and possibly some protein bars.

WW Online suggests that I incorporate 5 servings of fruit/veg, 1-2 servings of meat, 2 servings of milk, and 6 glasses of water....(along with healthy fats and whole grains). That doesn't seem very overwhelming to me (wahoo!) I am also going to take a B12 and a multi vitamin.

Physical Activity: To start off, I am going to incorporate 30 mins of walking (either outside or by using my gazelle) everyday and challenge myself to add an additional DVD workout 3 times a week. As I get more comfortable, I want to increase both the walking and the extra workouts. Its been a very long time since I've consistently worked out. I also have an extra benefit that for the past 4 years I haven't had. A job that requires me to stand! My last job was in a cubicle, and the work was rather monotonous. So what happened? I sat all day and snacked all day too! Time to change! My new job will not allow me to snack constantly, which will help A LOT.

Okay, so this blog wasn't very exciting but it was informative. I am happy that its not a crazy plan, and it is extremely doable. I have been in a hotel room for the past 2 weeks making it almost impossible to start---but hurray! tomorrow I go back home :) I am going to hit the grocery store and get all my tools for success ready. Wish me luck! Tomorrow I plan on opening up about some of the emotions that come with being fat. Stay Tuned! Please share my blog with your friends if you enjoyed it!

-With much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day Two: My Goals & Expectations

Its always a good idea to have a set of goals or accomplishments in anything you set out to do right? So, I guess that is where I will begin today's blog. I have an ultimate goal and I have several mini-goals that I hope to reach in between. My main goal? To be about a size 10. If you read Day 1, you will remember that although size 10 was not my smallest size, it was definitely the size I felt the most sexy and comfortable in. I enjoy having curves. I am Puerto Rican & Proud. At a size 10 I am a Pepsi bottle or hour glass shape. So that is my ultimate goal. I want a flat[ter] stomach, but I want my hips, butt, and breasts (just proportionately smaller of course.)

Okay, ultimate goal: Check. Now, mini goals... 1) I want to start an exercise routine that I won't quit. 2) I want to start eating proportionately (I love foooood, but I need to start eating the right amounts!) 3) Let's see... I need to start incorporating more water intake. Sometimes a day will go by and I've barely had a sip. 4) And lastly I want to continue to Blog along the way.

How am I going to reach these goals? Well, as far as exercise goes, I have plenty of tools to my advantage (that I have sadly let sit and collect dust for far too long). I have a set of Zumba DVDs. I have owned a Gazelle since December of 2006! (For a while I thought it was an extra shelf for clothes....) We have On Demand, which gives me endless supply of workouts. AND if I remember correctly, there is a fitness center courtesy of my apartment place that I have at my disposal. I know, I know....if I already had these tools, why am I not using them? One word: Lazy. Part (a big part) of the reason I have not been successful is that I have a tendency to be lazy or try to take the "easy" way out. I need to focus on the fact that if I want to lose weight, and be healthy, AND keep it off then I need to stop being lazy. I need to get my more than ample booty (or bootay) off the couch and in motion.

Food. My best friend and my worst enemy. I love food. I love cooking and baking and eating....*sigh* And I know, because I have been down this road quite a few times, that cooking and baking and eating does NOT have to be about fat and sugar and other unhealthy components... There are just a few things that I am going to need to overcome. I will have to take on a different mindset. You might be wondering what I mean. Well, let me explain. I am a picky vegetable eater. Vegetables I like: Broccoli, Asparagus, Corn (is it a veg?), Raw Celery, Squash, Zucchini, and Eggplant. (And of course staples like onions and peppers). Vegetables I don't really care for: Everything else. LOL....Okay okay I forgot lettuce. I do like lettuce. So finding side dishes that are healthy will be a tough task for me. If you are reading this and have some recipes or ideas PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I will take any advice I can get. I also need to focus on remembering that portion size is so very important. I am used to eating huge man-sized plates. And most times getting seconds. As I write that I am ashamed. But it is my reality. And this is my mission to make a new reality.

Next mini goal will probably be my one of the easiest. (Unless I just jinxed myself). Water. H20. Agua. Hydration. In the past, once I struggle through the first week of drinking lots and lots of water, I usually end up craving it. So I know that this is feasible. And I know I can do added things to flavor the water but I probably should limit that to once a day. Or else I will only want sweetened drinks. I can live without sodas, and for the most part I can live without sweet tea. So again, I am hoping this goal is an easy one.

Okay next comes what I am already doing. Blogging! My cousin RBL and I both read an article on Yahoo! that stated people who blog while trying to lose weight have a higher success rate. So here goes. I hope I have readers out there. And I hope I haven't bored you to tears yet. I have no idea how this blog will pan out. All I know is that its worth a shot. I hope that I find this process to be encouraging and in a sense, an emotional cleansing process. There are a lot of feelings and emotions behind being fat. Some that I have voiced to close friends, and some that even my husband probably hasn't heard. (And if he is reading this, well...now he will).

Okay the 2nd part of today's post is supposed to be my expectations. Well. Honestly, I expect this to be difficult. It is said that nothing worth it, is ever easy. So I would be a fool to think this would be any different. I mean sure, the mini goals aren't rocket science. But I will have to make conscience efforts to overcome laziness and procrastination. I will have to retrain my way of thinking. I expect to cry...a lot. (I am naturally an emotional wreck) I expect there to be days where I want to quit. But I also expect myself to get over it. If I want to be happy and healthy then I need to put all these obstacles behind me.

So that is all for now. Tomorrow I want to talk about what kind of exercise regimen I am going to do, and what type of eating plans (not diet!) I am going to attempt. I hope you enjoyed today's post. Share it with your friends or leave a comment if you can.

With much hope and a lot of prayer,

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

The Before & The Now

*Click Pic to see Larger*

Hello! And Welcome to my Weight Loss Blog..... "Sexy or Bust"....

I decided to start with some background. You know, get the past out there and then leave it where it belongs (in the past). So to begin, the above picture is what I like to call "the before and the now" because I refuse to let my current size be my "after". I know that my "after" is far better!

The 1st row of pictures are a collection of pictures from ages 14-19. If you take a good look, I've never been a stick or a twig or any other reference to "skinny" that there is. I am curvy and I am proud to be curvy. My weight loss goal is not to be an unrealistic size, a size that I haven't been since middle school, but rather a nice healthy, curvy size.

As a young girl in a size 6, I never thought of myself as fat....but rather that I weighed more than my size 0 friends. I didn't understand how I had cellulite and they didn't. Why were my thighs and hips and butt so much larger? I think this began my obsession with my size. My mom took a picture of me in my bikini once when I was around 16. When those pictures were developed, and I saw them I felt like crying. I thought I looked disgusting. All I could see was fat. Today, I look at that same picture and wanted to reach inside and smack the girl I once was.

As you can see from one of my pictures, I participated in school pageants. And the week before each pageant I would starve myself and eat lettuce sandwiches (basically bread, 1 slice of turkey, and about 2 inches of lettuce). I felt like I had to lose those extra 5lbs before the competition in order to succeed. Most of these thoughts were brought on myself. I mean my parents, family, friends, etc never called me fat. Because I wasn't. But I just never felt like I could measure up to all the size 0-4s.

And then I had a boyfriend...who instead of making me feel amazing made me feel even more out of shape. One night we were out on my front porch saying our goodbyes for the evening and he did something that probably scarred me more than I thought. (And this was 11 years ago...and it still bothers me). He lightly slapped my thigh and as it "jiggled" he said, "you should really try to tone up some." It made me want to cry, I didn't understand why someone who loved me could say something like that! Needless to say, that relationship didn't last very long...

After high school keeping weight off seemed harder than I imagined. The Freshman 15 happened faster than anticipated and an additional 5...errrrr 10? lbs found their way to my thighs and mid section. I transitioned from a curvy size 6/8 to a "thick" size 10. Most of my friends encouraged me and I felt like at peace with my size. I didn't mind being thick. You might ask why? Why as a size 10 did I feel okay with my body versus my smaller 6/8? And as I sit here trying to figure it out, I can't. I don't really have an answer. But for some reason I felt sexy. I felt like I had an identity. I stopped comparing myself to other unrealistic sizes.

And then when I finally stopped thinking about my size, life took some unexpected turns. I got married and divorced young. The stress of planning a wedding while my fiancee was away in the military, the stress of being a newlywed, and the stress of being a divorcee all added pounds. Secretly I might add. I didn't wake up and have an extra 20lbs on my body. But in that 2-3 year span, those 20lbs showed up.

I was hovering at a size 14. I knew something had to change. I needed to take control of my weight before it got out of hand. So began the diet roller coaster. I tried skipping meals (that didn't last long). I joined a gym (I think I still owe them!). I attempted Atkins-like diets. (but I love my carbs.) 48 hour diet? Did that! Twice! And with every fail, a few extra pounds were added. And then, yup you guessed it, life took another turn.

At 23, in between a size 14/16, I got pregnant. And with a sigh of relief, I put away my metaphorical running shoes. I embraced pregnancy and the montage "Its okay, I'm eating for 2." Even though, thanks to the constant reminder from my OB/GYN, I knew eating for 2 is just a myth. Since my daughter was born in Oct 2007, I have bounced between a 16, an 18, and a 20. I tried joining Curves and while I was doing it I got great results. I took Adipex (yes a diet pill), and while I was doing it---again I got great results. Last year (2009) I did Jenny Craig for about 5 months. I lost around 35lbs. I felt awesome. But as a single mom, the monetary cost of JC ultimately became too much. And I even joined another gym!

So, faster than the weight was lost, the weight (plus) was regained. Which brings me to today and that 2nd row of pictures from above. I know I am a pretty woman. I know my husband of 5 months thinks I am sexy. And I know he loves me no matter what size I am. My problem? I don't love me at the size I am. If you look at the pictures in row 2 you will see a mask. I put on a smile and strike my best "skinny" pose. Every ounce of air is sucked from my body and I am holding muscles in unthinkable ways in order to maybe disguise a roll or two. And if that doesn't work, I use something or someone to hide behind.

Well I don't want to hide anymore! I am a newlywed! I have my 10 year high school reunion coming up sometime this year. I want to make a change. My life is finally on track, and I want my size and my self worth to be on track too. So here I am. Blogging. Hoping to have readers who will encourage me and be encouraged. If you enjoyed this post, please share with a few friends.

For me, Day One was about putting my past and my excuses, behind me. Stay tuned for Day Two. I plan on using tomorrow to talk about my goals and expectations.

With much hope and a lot of prayer,

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*