Day 42: The Biggest Loser made me cry (again!)

I was able to catch up on The Biggest Loser today (I missed last week's episode since we were out of town...) I love that show, even though it makes me feel so emotional. I cry consistently during every episode. Without fail. You may ask, why watch something that makes you cry? And I can only answer in this way: why not? I am okay with being in touch with my emotions. And the issues at hand, make me cry.

The contestants do not only battle their weight, but they battle numerous other obstacles. Some are parents that are not only struggling with their weight, but with their kids' weight. Either they passed their weight issues to their children or they are trying their best not too pass along bad habits. Which I can completely understand. I do not want my daughter (or any future children) to fight the fat. I want to instill in her great eating habits and I want for her to be physically active (dance, sports, etc). I do not want to be an overly obsessed weight monger, but I do want to keep an eye on her. I think she is perfect as is, but I am trying to learn ways to incorporate more veggies. She eats whole wheat, fruits, almonds, yogurts, and various other healthy snacks. But getting the veggies in has been tricky.

Another issue the contestants are dealing with is the loss of dreams, and/or the shame that comes with it. There are quite a few former athletes (Olympics and Olympic hopefuls) who gained tremendous weight. They feel ashamed when looking back at where they once were, and how they let themselves go. I, although not an Olympic athlete, find myself feeling the same. I was on a dance team, at one point a co-captain! I competed Nationally...and won. I hate thinking about how I let that go, and how by not staying active I allowed the weight to creep up on me.

Finally another issue they deal with constantly is the fact that they are away from their loved ones. Now, granted I am not alone, nor on a fitness ranch, but I definitely feel the distance. I am trying to use the time in between visits wisely. I want to be able to come home to SC and have my loved ones notice my hard work...

I could probably go on and on about how I relate to the contestants, but I will stop there. I hope everyone is having a great week, and if you are reading this please take the time to take the poll on the top right!


-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 41: No hesitation

I have been working my butt off these past few days, so my blogging has been scarce. I wish I was really working my butt off...LOL. Slowly but surely. I am proud to report that after working about 29 hours in 3 days (including a 12 hours shift yesterday), my feet do not throb and hurt like they have been. I think its a combination of my old lady shoes and the ibuprofen I have been taking in the mornings before work. Either way, it makes things a lot more bearable.

I think I have begun to become more confident. Maybe it has to do with the compliments I received from when I went home about noticeable weight loss or maybe its just that since I am eating better I am feeling better about myself. I know I have a ways to go but I am glad that clothes are fitting better and I am seeing my face slim down. (Thankfully!!!)

I was assisting a customer yesterday (a dude) and all of a sudden he started talking in a deep voice. Trying to be like Barry White or someone. I laughed, because well, I don't have a good filter when it comes to laughing...and it was pretty funny. I thought he was just being funny, maybe in a good mood even though his phone was messed up...? I dunno. But, it honestly didn't cross my mind that he was trying to hit on me until he said (in his Barry White voice) , "Uh, Liz, I am trying to kick it to you and uh you are not replying." Again I laughed. I told him I was a happily married lady (while flashing my rock heehee). It was funny, at least I think so...

Today on my lunch break, the security guard asked me if I was enjoying married life. I told him I was. He asked me if I would do it all over again if I could. I said "I sure would!" The guard nodded his head and continued to tell me that he likes to ask married people that question, to kind of get a poll...(which I thought was weird). He told me that I was the only person he's asked that ever replied with no hesitation. That most people he ask, pause and think about it. That is really sad....but I digress (I know it has nothing to do with weight loss but I had to share it.


So, we are hoping to come home to SC for Easter. That is a little less than 2 months away. I am going to step things into high gear and try to lose some serious el-bees. (lbs). I am not going to go crazy restrictive or anything. I am just gonna calculate EVERYTHING, drink more H20, and exercise a lot more. In 4 weeks I lost 13lbs, so I hope to lose about 15 more in the next 2 months. I am not going to kill myself if I don't, but it is something to strive for. I have a cute dress I never got to wear last summer, and I would love to be able to fit into it for the Easter.

Here we go!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 39: Pushy pushy!

A few things happened today. I went to Ross before work (I needed a bit of retail therapy!). I found a new purse (Kathy Van Zeeland) and some new shoes. I wish I could say the shoes were some fancy stilettos or some cute sandals....but unfortunately they were not. They were however a pair of Easy Spirit black dress shoes. Sadly, they were kind of old lady looking but they are super comfortable. After a full day's work my feet don't hurt nearly as much. Since I am not trying to impress people at work, I don't really care! I will wear my old lady-esque shoes and let my feet feel better.

After Ross, I stopped in at Subway to grab a quick sub. We haven't really done groceries since we went away for a few days. I ordered a 6-inch turkey on wheat. The lady behind the counter asked if I would like the 12-inch. I shook my head and said, "No thanks. Just the 6." The lady looked at me like I was crazy, "But the 12-inch is only $5!". Again, I shook my head and said, "Just the 6." After I told her all the veggies I wanted and ordered light vinegar and oil, she surprisingly looked at me and said, "No Mayo?!" UGH!!! NO I DO NOT WANT MAYO AND I DO NOT WANT A FOOTLONG SUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do people try to force the bad on you? I know that in some respects, the worker was just trying to be helpful, but when she kept acting like I was crazy for my choices I got irritated. Either way, I ate my sub and felt good about my choices.

I have a new found drive to start with the exercise again. Especially if these shoes help my hurting feet!!!

Hope your weekend finds you well! I work all day tomorrow (12 hours!), so I may or may not get to blog.

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 37: We fall down....we get up!

Okay, so not only is that a favorite church song of mine, it also describes the last few days. I wouldn't say I did horrible, but I definitely didn't stick to plan. The past few days I had to go to SC for a funeral for my great uncle (my dad's uncle). It was a spur of the moment trip and a quick one. I didn't really have many healthy options at my disposal. I did eat a bit of fast food and some good southern food. I kept my portions in check, even though I didn't count points. I want to say my biggest fall was today. The trip home Eight hours on the road equals snackage maximus. I snacked on Bugles and Hot Tamales. And when we got home instead of popping in a SmartOnes, we ordered chinese.

Yikes. I fell off the wagon with a small thud. In the morning I am going to start fresh and new. I hope its not hard and that I didn't throw myself off too much. Luckily, I have a few days before weigh in. I am going to step it up with some exercise along with my WW meal plans.

Its been an emotional few days and I do not feel guilty. I am excited to get back into things. I know I can do it!!!! I will also try to get into some fun topics in the next few days. Other than that I am going to bed. Night!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 34:Quick Post

I am working today then traveling home to SC for a funeral. I wanted to go ahead and weigh myself this morning since I won't be home again till Wednesday night. I am happy to report I am down another 2lbs for a total of 13lbs lost. Yay! Soon I will be at my 1st mini goal and I can treat myself to Zumba!!!

I am going to try my hardest to eat "right" while I am away. It won't be easy but I will try to make the best choices possible.

I will attempt to write while I am away, but no promises. Until next time!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 32: Ramblings

A few things crossed my mind today as I worked. (And yes, I do mean things other than how much my feet hurt!) The first thing that came to mind was that a lot of the ladies at work were wearing dresses today. And a few had on tall boots. That got me thinking of my tall boots and how I have big calves. I have pretty much always had big calves. But I started wondering if there is any exercise to trim calves down? Wait, don't say it...running, right? Yea I figured....

The 2nd thing that crossed my mind was that I can't wait to wear dresses without looking pregnant. I mean obviously I am not pregnant (sorry to those who are waiting for that moment...) But when I wear dresses I feel like my stomach protrudes more than in pants. Thus giving the with child illusion... It happens when I wear pants too, but I am able to hide it more. As I got ready for work today I looked in the mirror. And from the front view, I am happy. I have curves, I have a waist, I have boobs. Then, I turn sideways. Ewww. I blame part of that on the fact that my child was breech my entire pregnancy and that her head was on the right side of my belly button. I feel like its extra stretched out there... The rest, of course is my fault (the eating wrong and not exercising). One day I will love my front and side view!

Lastly, today I thought about how I hate those darn Girl Scouts and their deliciously delightful cookies. My 2 favorites are the thin mints and the lemonades. And of course, this is GSC season :( I saw 4 boxes of the thin mints sitting on a managers desk at work. I started drooling. I love those darn things...but I know that I can't buy any. Because I just don't trust my self control yet. They are a definite weakness. I also read on a facebook page that it takes a heck of a lot of work to burn off the calories consumed by eating just a few of the cookies...Yikes!

Well, thos are my ramblings for the day. As far as food goes, I have been doing pretty good. I made more of my vegetarian black bean soup and it was even better this time! MMMMMMM.
I hope everyone is enjoying the weather and that you all have a wonderful Saturday. I will be at work tomorrow *Le sigh*. Until tomorrow!

PS my husby just whistled at me as he walked by (confidence booster!) and he said my face is thinning out. Wahooooo!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 31: Results!

I have been thinking about a few things. There are things in life that we can't always help, or change. For instance, I can't sing. And I am tone deaf for the most part. I can't really fix that, can I? I can't help who my family is, or who they become (for the most part....) These are just a couple of things that I really can't change.

Do you know what I can help? My health. My weight. My appearance. And this month, I have learned that doing so doesn't have to be an agonizing journey. I do not have to be starving myself daily or find myself feeling guilty for a slip up or binge! The combination of work and WW has kept my mind off of eating. (As in, eating for no reason other than being bored.) I am content with my food as I sit in the break room amongst junk food.

Oh, and let me add a side note...today for lunch I had the Smart Ones Spinach and Ricotta Pasta. I added leftover grilled chicken strips from last night. It was so delicious!!! It felt gourmet!

Okay, okay I digress!

I also have a bit of exciting news to share. Well, I find it exciting. Last night my husby said something to me as I walked by him in the kitchen. He told me he could really tell I was losing weight. Those words meant a lot to me. People who haven't seen me in a while, may be able to tell a size difference more easily. My husband sees me everyday. For him to tell me he can tell, made me so excited and fueled the fire I have to keep going!

To Results!!!!!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy of Bust*

Day 30: I love my booty

There is a plus size clothing store here in Waldorf called Torrid. They actually have trendy and sexy plus size clothes. The only thing, is that they are a little more than I care to spend on my clothes (even the clearance). I have bought a few pairs of jeans from there and they do make my curves look great.

A couple of months ago they had a shirt in the window display that said "I love my booty"
I think its pretty cute and I definitely love my booty. But seriously, this is just a regular tshirt with a cute phrase, and it cost $28. I mean, call me cheap but I can't spend that on a tshirt. A real top? Yes. Not a tshirt. So, since its been a few months I thought I would check and see if its on sale or clearance....and no such luck. Still $28. *Le Sigh* Alas, even though I love my booty, the advertising will have to stay on the rack at the store (and not mine....LOL had to...)

Anyways, I also wanted to say that I am feeling pretty good about this blogging. I think it is really helping me on my journey. I feel accountable in a way I never have before. I want to do good for myself, my family, and for all of my readers. I am also pretty proud of myself for sticking with the blogging in general. I tend to get excited about something and then let that excitement fizzle after a while. But after 30 days, I am still with it and it is working (along with WW).

So I want to thank you all for all the comments and encouragement. It is definitely helping.

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy of Bust*

Day 29: Emotional

I wonder about something...do only people who struggle with their weight, find themselves in tears when they watch weight loss stories? I was watching The Biggest Loser, and I find myself in tears every single week. I know it is because of my own struggle with my weight. But I wonder if thin people, who have never really deal with losing more than 10lbs or so, find it as heart wrenching?

I literally sob. When the contestant overcomes a challenge or loses a big number on the scales, and they cry--I cry. In the past 2 episodes, a few of the girls have made it down to what they call "One-derland". Let me tell you, I cannot wait until I can join the One-derland Club. They call it that, because their weight loss has put them under 200lbs on the scales. Now, I know I have not said my exact weight on my blog. And that is for a reason. Its embarrassing. And while I am brave enough to tell you my size, I just can't face those numbers. I will say that I have not been under 200lbs since before I was pregnant with my daughter (who is now 3). I got close in 2009 when I was on JC. I got down to 207lbs.

What is crazy to me is that I can drop a lot of pounds and still only move down one size, at the most 2. So, that is another reason I am not going to divulge my weight until later. It will make more of a difference when my size goes down a lot. I am not even sure if this paragraph makes sense.

All in all, it is going to be an emotional day when I can post on here that I have made it to One-derland. Hoping by the summer, mainly by my anniversary in August, that I can successfully say I am in One-derland.

Thanks for listening! Share me!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 28: Happy Valentines Day!

I hope everyone has had a great day, whether or not they are in a relationship! My day started out a bit shaky ( I had a weird hostage situation dream that shook me to the core) Thankfully my alarm snapped me out of it. After waking up and getting Bella off to daycare I remembered it was the big day....weigh in day. (I think I officially changed it to Mondays). I was sure I would be up a pound or two. I closed my eyes as I stepped on the scale. When I looked down, I could barely believe my eyes. I was down another 0.8lbs....Making my 3 week total to equal 11lbs. I am more than happy with that after the week I had.

Today I did not do too bad, aside from the chocolate and cake I had lol. But its all in the name of love. I felt pretty today and happy, and I had great surprises from my love including a work flower delivery! Tonight's blog is short and sweet...May everyone have a great night and I will see you tomorrow! God Bless.

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 27: Back to blogging

The past few days have been hellish. Crazy work hours and constant standing equated to a very tired and miserable me. So I decided not to try and blog through it all or I fear I may have been full of nothing but "woe is me" and pity parties.

My feet still hurt and I am on the search for a good pair of shoes. I thought my Crocs would do it, but unfortunately even on Crocs (paired with Dr. Scholls) my feet still hurt. I know that 3 things need to happen in order to get past the hurting feet...1. better shoes (and note, they have to be dress shoes, not clogs or sneakers) 2. I need to lose weight. Obviously on my small feet, my size puts an extreme strain on them. Once I get down a significant amount, the hurting will subside some. and 3. I think I will eventually get used to it.

Another thing, I am going to weigh in tomorrow but I don't expect good results. Its been a tough last half of the week and I didn't even begin to count points. If I am up a pound or two I will not freak out. I just know that I definitely am not ready to face the world without WW as a tool.

Some good news? I was told by a few of my coworkers that I look 21. :) That's awesome in my book. Almost 7 years younger than my real age! I also got called Princess several times and plenty of other compliments on my smile (and this is by the supposedly angry customers with tech problems lol.) It felt good.

I also bought 3 really great bras, and they gave me just the pick me up I needed. Literally. My new bras lift me up and create a thinner waist line! Love it.

Speaking of love....tomorrow is Valentines Day and I hope everyone celebrates, even the single! There is no reason single people shouldn't celebrate themselves! I mean if you don't love you, who will? So get that massage, or manicure. Watch a movie and drink a glass of wine! I am going to be spending it with my husband and our 3 yr old. I can't wait :) (after a full day of work of course).

And after tomorrow, I am going to be super strict with my point counting. And yes, I said after tomorrow because I think on Vday everyone deserves a little slack!

PS: more pants fitting better!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 23: Sweet and Jolly

So, last night I was unable to blog and after tonight it may be a few days before I can really sit down (without falling asleep) and blog. Tomorrow is iPhone Launch day at Verizon. We expect madness and pandemonium. It also means getting up extra early for work and working a split shift. (Opening and closing in one day) and then I will be closing on Friday (10pm) only to open on Saturday (6:30am). I am gonna be exhausted.

One good thing, is for our hard work and efforts, the company is providing us with lunches for the next few days. And yes, I decided I am going to partake in them. Tomorrow is sandwiches from Honeybaked Ham. I ordered the Turkey. Friday is Chick-fil-a and I ordered the Grilled Wrap with Low Fat Honey Mustard. And I think Saturday is a BBQ/Rib place called Famous Daves. Now, there isn't many healthy options for me to chose from (I mean they call it the Piglet meal LOL) but I am going to make sure to calculate everything into my points.

Oh and for those who don't know, I work for a company that provides Tech Support for VZW, well a sales rep from VZW (who is extremely sweet) said the other day to another coworker that she liked me (platonic-like, so get your minds out the guttah!) and that I was (and I quote) "sweet and jolly". She had to say jolly right???? I equate jolly with fat. Haha, I mean Santa is Jolly right? and what else? That's right...fat. hahaha. I crack myself up. Now I know the poor sweet lady didn't intend to call me fat because she later added that I was "always smiling and happy" but still.

Now, today I was also complimented on my appearance. A coworker said that I dress really nice and always have something well put together. In my mind I added "for a fat girl" on the end of that, but looking back I don't think that is what was intended. I think its just a defense mechanism I need to get over.... But all in all, I will gladly be the sweet, jolly, well dressed coworker. :)

Hope to talk to you all again soon. Pray for me tomorrow because I am sure my feet will hurt!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 21: Silver lining

Well, I guess we all need a depressed day from time to time. Yesterday was mine. Today, I feel somewhat better. I wasn't feeling too hot this morning but as promised I weighed myself (since I didn't yesterday). To my surprise, I am down an additional 2lbs. Which brings my weight loss for the past 2 weeks to 10.2lbs. I am pretty psyched about that! I hope I can lose 2lbs a week. If I am honest I wish I could lose 3lbs a week but I know the healthy way is 1-2lbs a week.

Also, today before work I went to Ross. I forgot how much I love Ross. (For those of you who know me really well, you may be shocked to read that...me? Forget Ross?) I managed to find 2 pair of black pants that fit and costs me a total of $15. That is right...TOTAL. One was $9.99 and the other was $5. (Clearance!) So I am pretty ecstatic! One pair was pretty plain Jane but the other was actually stylish!

Another bright part to my day...I put on a pair of gray dress pants that I haven't worn since August...and they fit! Yay! I guess I just need to be a little more patient and slowly but surely I will start seeing the results I want to see.

Someone suggested that I do Zumba (in a class setting) and I think I will look into it. It will definitely get me moving and I can meet people. I think I will make it my reward to myself for reaching my 1st 10% goal. That is something to strive for and look forward to doing.

Thank you to all my readers for the encouraging words. They mean a lot, and it is so good to know I have people who have my back! Hope you all have a wonderful night.

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 20: Tough times

Today started out kind of rocky for me. I am battling a bit of depression I guess. First off, I really haven't seen a weight loss this week. Of course, I know I haven't stuck to my diet and exercise as much as I did last week. Good thing is that I didn't gain. I am still trying to re-train my brain and become more patient. In the past, with JC and with the pills, weight came off fast and easy. (Of course it came back fast and easy too). I am not used to waiting for it, but I know in the long run that is how it needs to be in order for me to keep it off. But regardless, I am still a bit depressed. I really want to see the results. I know last week I lost 8lbs but I am ready to see some inches melt off. I want my pants to feel looser and my face to get thinner.

I have been at this blog for almost 3 weeks. And WW for 2 weeks. I know that is not very long. I know I have to be patient but it is hard. Anyone who has tried to lose weight, knows this feeling all too well. I also need a couple of pairs of pants for work. And 1) I don't like trying on clothes in hopes they fit, and then they don't and B) I don't like buying my current size because in my mind I know that soon I will be smaller. So that kind of depressed me. I tried to find some last night with no success. The only ones that were on sale looked like something my grandmother would wear. And the few cute ones (and by cute I merely mean regular un-granny like) that came in my size were not on sale. I swear, after a size 12, we plussies start paying a fat tax. I only buy things on sale or with a coupon. And the ones in my size that were not frumpy were too expensive to have for only a short amount of time.

Back to the fat tax. I mean, they charge us extra for the bigger sizes. Okay I get it, more fabric? Fine. I will pay the dang fat tax. But puhlease give me something fashion worthy. I do not need all my garments to have Hawaiian flowers or leaves on them. I do not need dress pants that have a drawstring like a Hefty Hefty Sinch Sac. Can my shirts have a little definition and the fabric be a bit more sturdy. I need to hold in these rolls not place a sheer fabric over it. Just more things to depress me. But I digress....

I also realized today how much I miss home. I miss my friends like crazy. I miss my girl talks and hanging out, having movie nights, etc. I really miss it. I love my little family here in MD, don't get me wrong. And working has been great, but I work with mainly guys. I just can't get that same comradery with them as my girls back home. Anyways, I know that has nothing to do with weightloss but its been weighing heavy on me today. I would appreciate any prayers!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 19: Good Idea...Bad Idea

I am exhausted! I had to work this morning after closing last night. Not fun. The day actually went by pretty fast. I was looking forward to dinner because I told the husby I wanted to go out. I have done really good with my diet and haven't really used any extra points. So tonight was a big splurge. We had Hibachi...It was so delicious (Good Idea). Bella had a lot of fun watching the guy cook (after her initial shock from the flame of fire lol). It was a nice family dinner, and we sat with 2 other families.

I let Bella share my rice, because 1) they give you waaay too much rice and B) the kids meals started at like $8.95 and that is just tooooo expensive in my opinion. I forget just how much food you get with Hibachi. I ordered Steak and Shrimp. Of course, all the yummy veggies came with it and soup and a salad...I ended up eating it all. BAD IDEA. My stomach had started to get used to healthy smaller portioned meals. From now on, I will set aside 1/2 my meal in a to go box before I start eating. It is a little hard to do with Japanese, because it comes in stages, but I will make it work somehow.

Tomorrow the husby and I are going to attempt to make some sort of healthy Game Day foods. I can't wait!

Oh and I think I am going to wait until Monday to weigh in, instead of tomorrow. I am not dumb. I had a big meal that had more sodium in it than I have had in a while. I am going to drink some extra water tomorrow to help flush out the sodium....

Until next time!

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 18: Ooops!

Today was a weird day. I had to be at work for a meeting at 7:45am. It lasted about 45 minutes and instead of going home and sleeping for a little longer, I went to Target. I ordered a skinny vanilla latte (my 1st!) and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I perused the store slowly and checked out lots of clearance (wahoo). Then my stomach growled! Ooops! I realized it was almost 10am and I had not had breakfast, merely the coffee that was in my hand.

I made my purchases and drove home. I must have been half asleep because instead of eating, I started to exercise. Then I jumped in the shower and got ready for work. Ooops! It was then 12:20 and I had to be at work at 12:45---I still hadn't eaten. So on my way to work I stopped at Chickfila and got a Chargrilled Wrap---normally I would have done the salad but since 1)I was running late I couldn't eat a salad while driving and B) I didn't use any points for breakfast so I knew I needed the extra umph.

Work was long and tiring. It felt like I had been there, well it felt like I had been there since 7:45!!! Finally around 7pm I managed to get away for my "lunch" break. I opened my bag and saw that silly me, I forgot my soup. Oooops! So all I had was my SmartOnes and my 100 calorie pack cookies. "Le Sigh".

I didn't track my points yet, but I am sure I didn't meet my requirements....Ooops! But I am tired and have to be back at 8:45am tomorrow....So I am going to bed! Night!

PS Moral of the story, don't forget to eat! And early morning meetings are horrid.

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy

*Sexy or Bust*

Day 17: Battle of the Bulge

So, I regret to write that I haven't really done any exercise this week. I have worked more day shifts this week, so I can't really exercise during the day. That is my favorite time to exercise because it is just me. Everyone else is at work or school. I like to work out alone. Why? Because I am utterly ashamed of my body while I work out. I feel like I look awkward and my heavy breathing leaves nothing to be desired. I don't want even my loved ones to see me like this.

Working during the day puts a damper on my workouts. I just can't see myself flailing around and sweating in workout clothes with a possible audience. It might seem silly to some, because as you will probably all say---my family loves me. Yes. I know. They do. A lot. But I just can't do it. So I try to use my days off or the days I work night shifts to squeeze in a few workouts. Which this week just hasn't really happened.

And I know eventually my weight will come down to a size where I will no longer be embarrassed. Until then, I am open to ideas on how to overcome this obstacle....

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 16: Stuck

Ever been stuck? Physically or Mentally? That is how I think I have been living my life for the past few years. Stuck. In the past. You know what I mean? No? Let me explain. For the past 10 years I have slowly had my weight creep up on me. But I still look to who I was 10 years ago and think its who I want to be or rather who I should be. 10 years ago I was a high school senior, ready to graduate and head to Furman. I was pretty smart and had a promising future. And of course, like I mentioned in one of my first blogs, life took a different route.

Anyways, in the back of my mind I still think of who I was back then, and for a long time I couldn't help but wish I could be that girl again. I wanted that brain, that future, that body I had in 2001. But here lately, I realize that if I had those things back, I would have to take all the bad that went with my life back then. And give back all the good that has come from it (i.e. my husby and daughter).

I never figured that I would stay so stuck in the past that 10 years would go by before I knew it. Well, I have made the decision to get myself unstuck. I do not want to compare who I am today with who I was, and wish I could be that girl again. Although that girl was smart, with a promising future, and a great body, she was also naive, shy, and barely able to do anything for herself. Now? Yes I am struggling with my self image, but I know who I am. I am a proud mother, and happy newlywed, and a survivor. I have been through rough patches and come out strong. I can still be naive (more like gullible and/or trusting), but I have definitely developed a "B.S. radar".

From now on, I am going to focus on my present and let that lead to my future. I am going to take things one day at a time and be proud of the woman I am. And that includes what I look like. I know that according to most people, it is impossible to get back to your high school weight. So, I am not looking to do that. I just want to be healthy and happy. And create a new me. So I can look back fondly at who I was, and where I have been, but love where I am.

Are you stuck?

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*

Day 15: Flatbread Fail

What a day! This morning I hit the snooze, which I really didn't allot time for, so that left me scrambling 5 mins before I needed to leave the house with still about 20 mins of stuff to do. I gulped down a bowl of Special K and had my coffee brewing. I packed my lunch and got Bella dressed. I grabbed my lunch, my purse, my child, and ran out the door. As I got in my car I realized I left my coffee upstairs. *Sigh* I didn't have time to get Bella back out the car and run up the stairs to get my coffee (and no, I will never leave my child in the car even for a second)

I sent my husband a quick text telling him I left my coffee and drove off. After I dropped off Bella, I was walking back to my car when the husby pulled up. I was confused but when he rolled down his window he held out his hand. In his hand was my coffee. My heart skipped a beat :) I am a lucky lady. He told me he knew it was important to me (I measured out my creamer according to my WW points). I love that man!

Work was okay, still not officially taking customers because my ID number "does not exist". Along comes lunch time, which once again I am surrounded by take out. I pull out my steak and ranch flatbread SmartOnes. Its one of my favorites. Two minutes and forty fives seconds later I hear the *ding*. My lunch was done. I pulled out the food and as I did, the flatbread toppled towards me. I grabbed it the best I could, but my hand only caught the bread as it was upside down. All the steak and cheese fell flat on the unclean counter top. Ugh! So I salvaged the bread that I thankfully caught and ate it with my Campbells Soup at Hand. Not quite the lunch I had in mind. And then in come 5 coworkers with 5 bags of McDonalds and 5 large sweet teas. Thank the Lord for the will power I had. I finished up and walked out. I didn't really get hungry until I got home, thankfully.

Later, we were issued long sleeve shirts for iPhone day (2.10.11). Girls were fussing over Mediums and Larges. One even requested an Extra Small. I quietly requested an XL. Lord knows I wish I could have picked up a Large, but lets face it. Even if I was 20lbs lighter, I would still be blessed, uh, up top. Others were trying them on over their currents shirts, but I didn't dare. What if XL didn't fit? Or what if it did but not over my current shirt? Would I look like a crazy spastic person trying to get it off if it didn't fit? Ugh. I didn't dare try it on. So XL it is, and hopefully it fits. I haven't even tried it on from home yet. One day, I will fuss over the smaller sizes, but for know I will take comfort in knowing that my time is coming.

Thanks for listening to my rants today! If you enjoyed this share me with your buddies! Post me on your FB via the share link below. Comments welcome :)

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy
*Sexy or Bust*