Day 44: Only me.

I watched last night's Biggest Loser this morning as I got ready for work. (of course I cried, do I even need to say it?) Well, one of the contestants said something that really struck a chord with me. What everything boils down to in my journey to lose weight and become healthier, is me. That's right. Me. If I want to lose weight, only I can make myself do it. No one else is going to force me to work out or eat right. No one else is with me 24/7. It is my choice. My decision.

When I started thinking about this today, I also realized something really important.  I think for the longest time I played the blame game. I was a victim in my mind and I felt I had every right to be. What's funny is that I used to never be that way. I always prided myself in the fact that I never let my circumstances affect other parts of my life (like school, church, etc). I told myself I wouldn't let the fact that I grew up in a household that had very little money (among other things), affect who I became. I didn't let myself drink before I was 21. I got straight As in high school. I went to a great college. I never did drugs. I was a virgin on my wedding night. (Sorry if that is TMI). But I prided myself in the fact that I rose above certain situations.  

But somewhere along the way, I lost my way. As I gained weight I started to blame it on many things:

• growing up poor made me want to go out to eat all the time because I used to not be able to.
• my parents got divorced while I was a freshman in college
• the freshman 15
• my fiance (at the time) joined the Air Force and food comforted me
• my marriage was falling apart
• I was 22 and divorced
• I got pregnant
• I was a single mom
• I was happy and in love 
• my birth control was putting on the pounds
• and I could go on and on...

I think I started to use these excuses as a disguise. I felt like if I had a reason to why I weighed so much, then people would understand. They would know that the person they saw on the outside wasn't who I was on the inside. I could recite these reasons flawlessly and anytime I did, I felt better even only for a moment. 

Now I realize that during all those things, nobody forced me to eat (and not exercise). I could have found a different outlet for my emotions. I had total control, yet I never grasped it. Well, no more. I am realizing more and more each day that its Only Me. Only I can get up in the morning and chose what I do. No one else is driving me to Dunkin Donuts or Chick-fil-a. I am. No one else is snacking when I am not hungry. Or making excuses to why I can't exercise. Only Me! And only I can chose to break bad habits and form new ones. Like eating right, and blogging. And putting my emotions into a separate outlet, one that doesn't include calories!

Thanks for listening! 

-with much hope and a lot of prayer

Lizzy 

*Sexy or Bust*